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A Letter From Santa
December 2, 2002 By 2 Comments
Thank you very much for your thoughtful letter. After having checked my list (twice, even!), I see that you have been mostly good this year, despite that incident where you incited that riot. Since you felt that you where acting in everyone’s best interests, I’m sure that we can let that one incident slide this year. Rest assured that I will be able to provide you with the majority of the items on your wish list, with the exception of this Winona Ryder person you wish for me to leave under your tree. We here at S. Clause Incorporated have strict rules against slavery of any kind, and feel that Ms. Ryder would not appreciate your request that she be wearing only two things: BUCK and NEKID. Need I remind you of the restraining order that Ms. Ryder requested last year for Christmas?
The Low Carb Crusader
September 20, 2002 By Leave a Comment
Brian Pierce offers his slightly skewed view of low carbing and the world in general.
Scenes From The Mall
August 25, 2002 By Leave a Comment
Some of you, my dedicated fans, know that I recently lost my job, and that I’m pretty bitter about it. After all, when I asked why I was being let go, I was told that I obviously didn’t like working there, and that I didn’t really want to continue at that company.
The Epiphany Of The Low Carb Crusader
March 22, 2002 By Leave a Comment
It finally happened. After 1 year, 10 months, and 17 days on Dr. Atkins New Diet Revolution…. After countless cows, chickens, turkeys, ducks, and pigs (the tastiest and crispiest of God’s creatures – truly blessed) and other types of livestock have given their lives to my ongoing weight loss…. After 148 pounds had been dropped…. I finally came to that wall that stops so many low carbers dead in their tracks every day.
Midnight Confessions
March 12, 2002 By Leave a Comment
This may just be the sleep deprivation talking, so bear with me. It’s 2AM, and inspiration has struck me in the form of a red-haired muse. And that red-haired muse? Mrs. Garrett from “Facts of Life,” of course!
The Peeps Are Coming! The Peeps Are Coming!
March 1, 2002 By Leave a Comment
Are you prepared for it? Are you ready to face the armies of jelly beans, marshmallow peeps, and chocolate bunnies that are about to be marching down your street and are in the aisles of every supermarket from coast to coast? Are you prepared to face the horror of the Ultimate Rational Cheat Day!?!?!
Who Won The Superbowl? I Did!
February 16, 2002 By Leave a Comment
Now that the day of reckoning has come and gone, the tale can finally be told. It is a tale of ultimate torment and anguish. A tale of a hard-fought and harsh battle the likes of which only the most epic of novels could ever be written.
Beware The Marketers!
February 9, 2002 By 1 Comment
After so many years of following Atkins, “falling off the wagon” over and over again, but learning from my mistakes each time, and ultimately coming to a very Zen place with my acceptance of this diet and the food that I eat on a daily basis, I can’t believe that all my hard work has been undone by a simple scheme of the Marketing Department.
My Handy Dandy Holiday Solution
December 2, 2001 By Leave a Comment
The holidays are nearly upon us, my friends, and that means it’s time to gather with your loved ones and eat high-carb meals while visions of non-Atkins-friendly sugarplums dance in our heads. Okay, let’s face it, the holidays are the most difficult part of choosing a low carb lifestyle.
