Comedian Tom Naughton started out with the intention to film a rebuttal to Morgan Spurlock’s documentary Super Size Me but what he ended up with was so much more. After he started looking into the nutritional science behind our national dietary recommendations, Tom realized something was very wrong – the science and the recommendations didn’t align. Fat Head quickly morphed into a funny and educational combination that teaches you to look critically at the science, understand how the body/food connection actually works, and to think for yourself with this snazzy little thing called a functioning brain. He reminds us that we aren’t stupid, despite what certain organizations would like us to believe, and we can make smart decisions all by our little ole’ selves.
Here we are, facing that time of year when we pay filmakers and haunted houses to scare the pants off of us. Sure, homicidal maniacs and monsters are frightening, but did you ever stop to think about the things that should really scare us? I have, and I’m going to share a few with you today. So without further ado, here are 11 movies I think should have been made, with my personal low-carb twist of course.
I can remember when cookies were healthy. No. Seriously! They were only 100 calories, fat-free, and claimed to be good for me. Come to think of it, there were several other healthy foods I enjoyed regularly, some of them even branded with the heart-check logo from the American Heart Association. Cheerios, SnackWells, Baked Lays, granola bars, fat free bagels – all that healthy processed goodness, wrapped in fancy packaging, promising health benefits that range from weight control to lower cholesterol.
It seems I’m doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Maybe I’m being a bit melodramatic. I do usually learn from my mistakes. But sometimes I try something, look back to analyze it, and realize it’s really not that different from the other things I’ve tried. “Hello Abby. Will you be staying long?” There are lots of reasons why I believe I’m abnormal, but today I’ll just highlight one of them. We can save my various other flaws for analysis at a later date.
As far as I know, July is not National Mustard Month, but it should be. Weenie bar-b-ques, 4th of July, hot weather, hammocks, company picnics and other great fun-activities are on everyone’s mind, and on everyone’s calendar. But, what’s a cookout without mustard? So, to help add to your picnic enjoyment, not to mention your bright outdoor conversations, Uncle Zack will now relate more than you ever wanted to know about mustard.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret that’s pretty incredible. You’ll want to keep this in your file, labeled ‘Uncle Zack’s Tidbits of Unnecessary Things to Know.’ (You are keeping up your file, aren’t you? There will be additions as we go along, and perhaps a Pop Quiz one of these days.) Stand confounded: as amazing as it may be, using your hands alone, it is impossible to fold any piece of paper in half more than seven times, no matter how big or small a piece of paper you start out with. (It’s okay; don’t worry. I won’t go on without you. I know you have to stop reading and try this out. I’ll wait here while you go fold the newspaper, that scrap of paper laying next to your computer, and the snail-mail letter that just came from your dear old Auntie Doris.) What you hear now are the sounds of my fingers drumming my desk top while I wait.
Here I am, up on my soap box again. And, you might notice that I’m up here a little later than usual, this month. That’s because I’ve been very busy trying to get all the politically INcorrect words off my word processor and out of my dictionary. Not to mention, out of my vocabulary and conversation. And, what a job it is! I should have made life easier for myself, and simply engaged the help of the THEY who decide what words can be in textbooks used in the public schools.