Thank you very much for your thoughtful letter. After having checked my list (twice, even!), I see that you have been mostly good this year, despite that incident where you incited that riot. Since you felt that you where acting in everyone's best interests, I'm sure that we can let that one incident slide this year. Rest assured that I will be able to provide you with the majority of the items on your wish list, with the exception of this Winona Ryder person you wish for me to leave under your tree. We here at S. Clause Incorporated have strict rules against slavery of any kind, and feel that Ms. Ryder would not appreciate your request that she be wearing only two things: BUCK and NEKID. Need I remind you of the restraining order that Ms. Ryder requested last year for Christmas?
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